


The Bet

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, brooklyn nine nine au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 23:09:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10650000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Alrighty then, here’s the bet,” Coran announced as Lance stood up to shake Keith’s hand. “Whoever can take out the most Galra soldiers wins. If that paladin is Keith, Lance gives up his beauty routine. If that paladin is Lance, Keith has to go on a date with him.”The approximate plot of Brooklyn Nine Nine's "The Bet"; the setting, characters, and hijinks of the Voltron crew.





	The Bet

“Are you ready to taste defeat, McClain?”

 

“In your goddamn dreams, Keith. I’m going to win this, and when I do, even Red won’t be able to save your sorry ass.”

 

“Yeah, stay smug while you can, because by the end of today you’re going to be begging for mercy.”

 

“Like  _ fuck  _ that’s going to happen–”

 

“Paladins!” Allura interrupted suddenly with a disapproving stare. 

 

Keith swiveled around so quickly that he almost fell off his chair. Lance couldn’t help but snicker at Keith’s ridiculous panic as he nearly toppled over. 

 

Still, though, his startled expression was kind of–kind of cute. Objectively, someone, somewhere would probably find it cute.

 

“Uh, yes, Princess Allura?” Keith asked sheepishly. 

 

“This day is supposed to be about Hunk, but you two are still preoccupied with your petty bickering,”  Allura scolded, glaring at them with stern disapproval. “If you don’t wish to disrespect him you ought to put aside your rivalry for one day and celebrate your friend’s brave accomplishment.”

 

“Eh, I don’t really mind,” Hunk added he put a bowl full of sugared food goo into the oven. “This whole ceremony thing was only arranged a week ago. This bet’s been going on for months, and it’s about to end  _ tomorrow _ .”

 

“You single-handedly saved the entire Kylobronian empire from a Galra attack while fighting off the effects of Cerebra poison, that hardly seems less important that some bet,” Allura noted, puzzled.

 

“Some bet?  _ Some bet _ ?” Lance cried indignantly. He looked Allura dead in the eye. “Princess. We’re talking about  _ the  _ bet _. _ ”

 

“ _ Oh _ .” Allura’s eyes widened. “ _ The _ bet.”

  
  


( **EIGHT MONTHS EARLIER**

 

_ “Please,” Lance said over the team’s laughter as Keith smirked at him. “You may have been the better pilot at the Garrison, and you may be an okay fighter, and your skin might be softer than mine even though you don’t have a strict beauty regimen, but I’m a better paladin than you a million times over.” _

 

_ “Oh, burn,” Hunk said, extending his hand for a high-five. Lance enthusiastically accepted. _

 

_ Keith raised an eyebrow. “Want to bet on it?” _

 

_ Lance grinned and leaned back against his seat. “Sure, mullet boy. What are the stakes?” _

 

_ Everyone in the group oohs, even Shiro and Allura. It was a brief moment of levity for the team, a breath of air in between life threatening Galra attacks and tedious diplomatic negotiations. Everyone was hoping for a distraction from the weight of the work they did on a daily basis, and Lance was more than happy to provide it for them. _

 

_ Keith crossed his arms. “How about giving up that beauty regimen you’re so proud of?” _

 

_ Pidge, sitting on the dinner table and swinging her legs, gasped in mock horror.  _

 

_ “But Lance? How else will you possibly get alien girls to notice you?” _

 

_ “I guess he could give them his lion and let them chain him to a tree like last time,” Shiro added, sending the room into a fit of laughter once again. _

 

_ “Hey! I look this way for me,” Lance protested. “Hot aliens love me the same with or without my beauty sleep and facial cream.” _

 

_ “Yes, absolutely zero percent,” Allura said, still giggling. _

 

_ “Fine, you know what? It doesn’t even matter what I wager, because I’m going to win this thing. So sure! I bet my beauty regimen.” Lance looked Keith straight in the eye. “So what about you, Kogane? What would be your worst thing in the world?” _

 

_ “Being the one alien in the universe that’s interested in you,” Keith shot back as the excitement in the room swelled. _

 

_ “Alrighty then, here’s the bet,” Coran announced as Lance stood up to shake Keith’s hand. “Whoever can take out the most Galra soldiers wins. If that paladin is Keith, Lance gives up his beauty routine. If that paladin is Lance, Keith has to go on a date with him.” _

 

_ Keith shook Lance’s hand and leaned forward, voice low and bristling with challenge. “I’m gonna take you out, McClain.” _

 

_ “Actually, as per the details of the bet, I’m going to be taking  _ you _ out.” Lance narrowed his eyes and mirrored his movements so that they were standing eye to eye, only a hair away from each other. “So go ahead. Bring it. Let’s do this.”  _

 

_ Keith frowned. “Did you have all these one-liners in your head and not know which one to pick?” _

 

_ “No, I just wanted to say them all so you couldn’t say one after me.”  _

 

_ “Oh. Okay. Well now that you got that out of the way.” Keith grinned devilishly. “It’s on.” _

 

_ Lance groaned. “Damn it, Keith!”) _

  
  


“It ends today?” Allura said, all trace of anger gone.

 

“Yeah, and I’m totally winning.” Lance said smugly.

 

“We’re  _ tied _ ,” Keith corrected, glowering at Lance.

 

“I’m winning in spirit,” Lance replied, waving off Keith’s comment. “There aren’t that many Galra here since Hunk drove off that invasion, but there are still some left roaming this planet and I’m gonna defeat them all.”

 

“Don’t get too cocky. You’re about to go down,” Keith retorted.

 

“Unless you mean go down to the Klyobron metropolis and confirm my dinner reservation, I don’t think that’s gonna happen.”

 

“Please, when I’m through with you your family’s going to need a tractor just to–” 

 

“Tractor, what are you, Texan–”

 

“Hey guys!” Hunk set down a hot tray in front of them. “Goo cookies are done.”

 

“Aw yes! Hunk, you’re the best!” Lance grabbed a cookie and shoved the whole thing into his mouth. “I don’t care who wins this bet, you’re the real best paladin.”

 

Keith took one as well and smiled. “I hate to agree with Lance, but he’s not wrong for once.”

 

Allura sighed. “Hunk, should you really be baking  _ us  _ cookies when we should be honoring  _ you _ ?”

 

“Come on Allura, I really don’t mind, promise!” Hunk smiled and held out the tray. “Do you want one?”

 

Allura hesitated, then took two. 

 

“Well, if you really don’t mind,” she mumbled through a mouthful of cookie crumbs.

 

-

 

“Hey? Pidge?” Shiro waved his hand in front of Pidge’s face to no avail. “Earth to Pidge.”

 

“Ha! Earth to Pidge.” She turned off her laptop, making a series of holographic alien letters dancing above her fizzle out. “Because we’re in space. Classic. So, what do you need?”

 

Shiro winced. “Well, you know how Hunk got Cerebra poisoning while saving the Kylobronians?”

 

“Uh, yeah. That’s part of the whole reason they’re throwing this massive party for him tonight.”

 

“And you know how we had to give him a special antidote for it before we put him in the healing pod?”

 

“Yeah, Coran said the toxins in the poison couldn’t be removed by the healing pod for some reason. I still don’t really know how the healing pod works. Do they release chemical healing agents? Gaseous white blood cell stimulators?” Pidge lowered her voice and leaned in closer to Shiro. “You know, I’m starting to suspect that space science is bullshit.”

 

Shiro laughed. “Come on, people don’t just stringing together vaguely science-like words because they don’t what they’re talking about.” He laughed again, then frowned slightly. “I mean, they don’t, right?”

 

“We’ll find out soon. My research will probably turn up more conclusive answers in about twenty-three days,” she said, adjusting her glasses. “In the meantime, avoid any robots that look like tiny tarantulas.”

 

Shiro turned pale. “Those were just robots?”

 

“Why, are you afraid of spiders?” Pidge teased, then paused. “Oh quiznak, wait, are you really–”

 

“Anyway, I want you to watch Hunk tonight,” Shiro interrupted quickly, gesturing for him to come over. “The side effects of that antidote only just started setting in, and, well–here. See for yourself.”

 

“Uh. Okay,” Pidge said cautiously. “Hey, Hunk, how’s it going? I smell goo cookies.”

 

“Yep, the others are eating them right now,” Hunk said, nodding agreeably. “You know, sometimes I think you guys just see me as the dumb food guy and over compliment me to subconsciously make up for the fact that you don’t respect me.”

 

Pidge gaped at him. “Um... Hunk, I, uh–”

 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer right now. I know you’re bad at expressing your feelings because you’re insecure about your emotions. Also, you have to start showering and sleeping again. You already know aliens exist, you don’t still need to stay up late looking for UFOs,” Hunk assured her. 

 

Pidge stopped gaping and snapped her fingers. “Oh, I’ve heard of this! Some human drugs are like this too. You’re going to be really honest for a few days, right?”

 

“That’s what Coran tells me!” Hunk smiled. “By the way, I saw Shiro jump on a table and smash one of your robots with a broom.”

 

“Look, I thought they were  _ space spiders _ ,” Shiro protested as Pidge doubled over laughing. “Who knows what space spiders can do to you? They could have been–” Shiro cleared his throat. “Well anyway, you’ve got to follow him around at the party tonight and keep him from saying something that might get him punched.”

 

Pidge wiped away tears and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Yeah, I’d really hate to see Hunk get punched. He deserves the world.”

 

Shiro nodded. “Damn right.” 

 

-

 

“Hey Lance, ready to look your nightmares in the eye?” Keith yelled from the castle corridor, making everyone look up from a map of the Cepheus galaxy.

 

Lance raised an eyebrow. “Unless you’re going to come in here with a dinosaur and suddenly start talking in an Australian accent, nothing you could show me would even come close to resembling my nightmares.”

 

Keith leapt into the meeting room with a confident smirk and a Galra soldier in glowing red handcuffs. “I caught him prowling around the city square and took him down in a knife fight with only two minutes left in the bet to go.”

 

Lance smirked back. “Impressive. Why don’t you take him to the holding room?”

 

Keith grinned and started walking over to the doors. “Hell yeah I will. I broke the tie, McClain, I hope you’re ready for your skin to look like the desert I was born in because–”

 

Keith froze as he opened the door to the holding cell and looked inside. 

 

“Oh no,” he whispered, horrified. Nearly a dozen Galra soldiers with blue handcuffs around their wrists sat on the floor, glaring at Keith and growling in frustration.

 

“Oh yes.” Lance walked over and slung an arm around Keith’s shoulder. “I found a whole Galra base! Well, what was left of it, anyway, there were only a few ships and like, fifteen guys there. But if I remember correctly, fifteen is still more than one, right? About fifteen times greater?”

 

“There’s still time,” Keith said in a panicked tone. “I still have–”

 

“Only fifteen ticks, my boy,” Coran said apologetically. “And while I was saying that sentence, you lost four. And while I was saying that sentence, you lost seven. And, er, so on. Anyway, my point is–”

 

_ “Time’s up!”  _ Pidge announced gleefully, raising an expired tick counter in the air. 

 

The room exploded with energy as Keith watched in despair. Coran pressed a button and a cheesy pop song played from the castle’s speakers at deafening volume. Hunk hoisted Pidge onto his shoulders and they cheered at the top of their lungs. Allura applauded with a bemused expression, and Shiro pulled a flag with Lance’s face on it out from under the table. 

 

“I’m sorry, Keith, he forced me to do this,” Shiro said with a shrug and a smile as he waved the flag above his head.

 

“Where did you even get that?” Keith asked desperately.

 

“When I was in sixth grade I got really into sewing,” Lance replied. “And you can’t make fun of me for that because one, it’s awesome, and two, I just  _ won _ the  _ bet _ !” 

 

Lance took Keith’s hand in his and got down on one knee. In the background, Pidge pressed a key on her laptop and with a bang, confetti exploded down on them from the ceiling.

 

“Keith Kogane,” Lance started over the sound of the still blaring music, voice as sincere as he could make it, “will you make me the happiest man in the galaxy and go on a date with me?”

 

“I’m going to kill you in your sleep one day,” Keith mumbled, face red.

 

“He said yes!” Lance threw his hands in the air in celebration, and others erupted in shouts and applause. 

 

-

 

“Do I seriously have to wear this?” Keith grumbled, tugging at the frills on his tuxedo. 

 

“You agreed to these terms, you know the answer,” Lance said cheerfully, locking arms with Keith. “You look adorable, by the way.”

 

Keith huffed and pulled at his sleeves. 

 

He really did look adorable, but it was less because of the outfit and more because of how flustered it made him. He looked like a grumpy doll owned by the world’s stuffiest little girl. Lance was a little surprised that Keith even cared about what he was wearing (he wore the same cropped jacket and fingerless gloves every day, after all), but if anything could get him to care, it would be the hideous tuxedo. 

 

Lance had picked it up on some alien marketplace for three rusty Altean coins (which no longer had monetary value, but were considered valuable relics to many traders). He and Hunk and Pidge always went to the shops on every planet they visited if there was one, or if they had the luxury to do so. Hunk loved talking to the locals, Lance hoped they would find something from Earth, and Pidge looked for that video game she was always raving about–and, when she thought Lance wasn’t listening, asked shopkeepers for information about her family. He had bought tuxedo on a dare and intended to keep it in his closet as a souvenir. Luckily, the bet gave him better use for it.

 

And it really was the most ridiculous outfit in the universe, Lance was sure of it. It looked like something a geek from the 18th century would wear to prom–ruffled collar, curly coattails, blue bowtie, even a cloth lilac stitched onto the breast pocket. Keith wasn’t exactly pulling off the look, either, his discomfort was obvious. Every five seconds he was adjusting his sleeve cuffs or picking at loose threads. Keith leapt into battle without hesitation, but Lance had never seen him look more nervous. 

 

“Hey.” Lance elbowed Keith. “If it makes you feel any better, it’s dark out, so nobody’s going to be able to see it until we get to the party.”

 

“You mean the place where all the people are?”

 

Lance pretended to consider this. “Hm, when you put it like that, I guess this is going to be pretty embarrassing for you, huh?”

 

He didn’t know much about the party except that it was a huge affair. There would be drinks, music, dimmed lights, the usual fare–Lance found that no matter where they went in the galaxy, people usually celebrated in the same way. At Hunk’s request, every citizen in the Kylobron capital had been invited to attend, so the event was going to be held at the queen’s castle, the only building large enough to hold everyone. 

 

“I can’t believe you’re making us walk there,” Keith complained. “If we’d gone with the rest of the group we’d already be there by now.”

 

The palace was only a block away from the place the Castle of Lions had been allowed to land, so it was a short walk. Still, Lance suspected no amount of walking was comfortable in that ridiculous suit.

 

“Yeah, but then you wouldn’t have had time to put on your  _ lovely _ uniform,” Lance crooned, flicking the fake lilac. “Besides, look at this night, look at the stars! Why shouldn’t we enjoy it properly? And there’s no better way to enjoy it than a romantic midnight stroll.”

 

Keith looked up at the sky and smiled slightly. “I guess it is beautiful out tonight.”

 

“It’s not the only beautiful thing out tonight.”

 

Keith looked at him in alarm. “What?”

 

“Um?” Lance gestured to himself and raised his eyebrows.

 

Keith sighed in exasperation and gave Lance a shove. “Let’s just go, there’s more room for your ego at the party.”

 

-

 

“Pidge! What are you doing here?”

 

Pidge looked up from some light purple punch and adjusted her glasses. “Drinking whatever this is. Don’t worry, it’s not alcoholic. Or whatever the alien equivalent of alcoholic is.”

 

Shiro shook his head. “Not that. Why aren’t you watching Hunk?”

 

“Yeah. About that.” Pidge pointed to Hunk on the other side of the room, chatting with a partygoer and laughing. “It turns out really honest Hunk is actually just a perfectly normal version of Hunk. If anything, he’s even nicer to people. Turns out the only thing he’s keeping a secret from people is how much he wants them to live meaningful and fulfilling lives.”

 

“Huh. Really?” Shiro frowned and tried to listen to Hunk’s conversation.

 

“Ma’am, I _ know _ you can start your own biochemical engineering shop,” Hunk said in the distance, taking the woman’s hand in his. “Don’t listen to your uncle. You have the drive, the passion, the spirit, and you know more about molecular geometry than anyone I’ve ever met! And I’ve met a  _ lot _ of people across the galaxy.”

 

The alien turned a shade of green and blinked her third eye. “You–you really think so?”

 

Hunk smiled. “If I wasn’t medically incapable of lying to you right now, I would probably chicken out and say I wasn’t sure. But since I am, I can tell you with complete confidence that you were  _ born to do this _ .”

 

“Oh my god,” Shiro muttered. 

 

“Yeah,” Pidge nodded, taking another sip from her punch. “Yeah.”

 

-

 

“Coran, you’re sure it’s okay for me to drink this?” Allura said, looking down at the shimmery blue liquid she was holding.

 

Coran patted Allura on the back and winked. “Come on, princess, you’re a grown woman now! You don’t have to worry about your father finding out anymore.”

 

“I...suppose I don’t.” Allura sighed and continued quickly, “But that’s not what I was referring to. Should we really be letting our guard down like this? It seems unprofessional at best for member’s of the universe’s last hope to be intoxicated.”

 

Coran chuckled. “It’s a party, Allura! Enjoy yourself! I’m sure the Kylobronians didn’t provide purified Batauran draught so you could stay sober.”

 

“Hey!” Shiro emerged from the crowd and joined Coran and Allura. “I’m sorry I had to leave for a second there. I needed to check up on Hunk and–well, he’s fine. What’d I miss?”

 

Coran leapt over to Shiro and handed him a glass of Batauran draught. “I’m just trying to convince the princess here to loosen up! The Galra are gone, the party is at its peak, it’s the perfect time to go wild! Make bad decisions! Or get friendly with a stranger.” Coran waggled his eyebrows.

 

Shiro smiled. “Maybe not  _ that  _ bad of a decision. I’m not sure I’d be okay with that.”

 

Coran raised his eyebrows. His mustache seemed to get bushier. “She’s her own woman, Shiro.”

 

Shiro laughed nervously. “Are...are open relationships the norm on Altea? Because, I mean, I wish we would have discussed this earlier but–”

 

“ _ Relationship _ ?” Coran turned to Allura. “Princess, what is he talking about?”

 

“Well…” Allura winced. “Shiro and I might–might be dating.”

 

Coran’s eyes widened. His mouth dropped open and he pointed at Shiro, then Allura, then Shiro again in a jerky cycle. His mustache poofed out so much it looked like a squirrel had crawled onto his upper lip.

 

“Coran–” Allura started, but he was already walking away.

 

-

 

“Hey! Hunk! Power couple coming through!” 

 

Lance and Keith squeezed their way over to Hunk, who was giving a bear hug to two crying Kylobronians.

 

“I know you don’t want to ruin your relationship, but if one of you has needs that aren’t being satisfied, you have to talk about it rather than hide it inside,” Hunk said in a reassuring tone. 

 

“Uh, Hunk?” Lance tapped his shoulder. “Everything...okay over here?”

 

“Oh, hey Lance!” Hunk looked down affectionately at the two aliens in his arms. “I think so.”

 

Keith wrinkled his nose. “Do you need any help or something?”

 

Hunk smiled. “Actually, I think so. Could you escort these two back to their pod? They’re going home. They have a  _ lot  _ to talk about.”

 

“Um...sure.” Keith took their hands and made his way towards the door, trying his best to ignore their sobs.

 

Lance blew Keith a kiss as he left, then turned back to Hunk. 

 

“This is great. The date is going perfectly. And by that I mean terribly. He’s miserable.” Lance sighed happily. “Tonight has been wonderful.”

 

Hunk cocked his head. For some reason Lance suddenly felt wary.

 

“Lance, do you know why little boys tease other little kids on playgrounds?” 

 

“Because they’re little boys and they’re dicks?”

 

“Because they like them, and that's the only way they know how to get their attention,” Hunk corrected.

 

Lance frowned. “I don’t get it.”

 

“Your fixation on Keith? This elaborate date?” Hunk asked. “It’s not because you’re rivals. It’s because somewhere deep down, you like him and you don’t know how else to show it.”

 

“That’s not–I don’t like Keith,” Lance said, voice louder than usual.

 

Hunk chuckled. “If you were the one recovering from Cerebra poisoning, you wouldn’t be saying that right now.”

 

Lance blushed and stood up abruptly. “Well, you know, this has been an illuminating discussion, but I think I see Keith coming back, so I’m going to get him to sing a karaoke duet of ‘My Heart Will Go On’ with me.” 

 

Lance started towards the doors as fast as possible.

 

“Because you like him!” Hunk called after him.

 

“Shut up!” Lance shouted back.

 

“Also, this planet doesn’t have karaoke!” 

 

“I’ll figure something out!”

 

-

 

“Look at him, he’s doing perfectly,” Pidge said excitedly to the bartender. “That’s my friend Hunk over there, high on antidote but still being the life of the party. This could not have gone better.”

 

“That’s great, ma’am,” the bartender said, antenna twitching. “You’ve been here for quite some time, are you sure you don’t want to...mingle somewhere else?”

 

“Nah, this is the best place to watch him. It’s fascinating, really. Besides, if I left, I wouldn’t get to talk to my favorite bartender, right?” Pidge replied cheerily, extending her hand for a high five.

 

“Don’t do that.”

 

“Okay, fine.” Pidge slumped back onto the bar stool. “But seriously, look at him go! We should have parties in Hunk’s honor like, every day. He’s so–oh, look! The queen is approaching him! This is so exciting! I want to hear what she’s saying, shush.”

 

“I wasn’t saying anything,” the bartender grumbled.

 

Hunk was in the middle of a conversation with a group of tittering Kylobronian children when the queen, all regally straight posture and flowing wine-dark silk, strode up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder with her staff. 

 

“And remember, always give your tomatoes natural sunlight–” Hunk was saying.

 

“Hunk Garrett of Voltron!” The queen said in a soft and lilting voice. “It’s so wonderful to meet my kingdom’s hero.”

 

The children knelt to the ground and bowed, placing their foreheads on the wood floor. The queen giggled softly gestured for them to rise with a sweep of her delicate hand.

 

Hunk looked at the queen for a split second and stopped smiling. He narrowed his eyes, and suddenly his face was as cold and uninviting as stone.

 

“I’m sorry, but you disgust me,” he said, voice icy. Then he turned around and went back to sunnily explaining tomatoes to his shocked young audience.

 

Pidge dropped her drink. “Oh shit.”

 

-

 

“Hello everyone!” Lance announced to a nearby group of partygoers dancing to a small jazz band. “In honor of our friend Hunk, my date and I will be performing a sacred ceremonial Earth dance called the Macarena for you all. Long live the yellow paladin!”

 

“I hate your guts,” Keith muttered as the audience applauded politely and the jazz band continued their song.

 

“Channel that passion into dance,” Lance replied, bouncing on the balls on his feet. Keith sighed and joined him. The Kylobronians around them went back to dancing.

 

“Fuck you,” Keith said, crossing his arms and waiting for Lance to start.

 

“That’s the spirit,” Lance said as he placed his arms out in front of him. “One and a two and a three macarena...” 

 

“The band isn’t even playing the right song,” Keith mumbled, awkwardly following Lance’s lead.

 

“The song’s in my heart, Keith,” Lance shot back, placing his hands on his head. “Come on, five and a six and a seven macarena...” 

 

Lance looked expectantly at Keith, who was standing stock still. “You have to do the hip swing on eight macarena.”

 

“Seriously, can we please just–not do this?” Keith said, face red.

 

Lance knew he could remind Keith that he had to do anything Lance said as per the details of the bet, that he gave his word to go on the dumbest of dates and do the dumbest of dances. But for some reason, instead he just sighed and extended his hand.

 

“Fine. Let’s dance together,” Lance said.

 

Keith blinked. “What?”

 

“It’s just as embarrassing, but at least maybe you’ll be less nervous about it,” Lance explained.

 

Keith stared at him, and Lance felt his face grow hot. He thought about what Hunk had said and suddenly realized what a terrible suggestion this was. Lance didn’t like Keith, he obviously didn’t like Keith, but he wasn’t so sure that he was willing to put it to the test.

 

“If you don’t want to, I mean, I know you agreed, but like, I still have to respect your boundaries–” Lance babbled.

 

“Ah, there you are!” Shiro emerged from the crowd. “I need to talk to you two.”

 

Lance dropped his hand back to his side, sighing in relief. “Hey, Shiro, what do you need?”

 

Shiro lowered his voice and leaned in. “A Kylobronian noble got intel that we’re in danger. A group of insurgents are going to meet up in some seedy alley downtown and then come here to try to overthrow the crown. The recent Galra battle has left the queen in a pretty rough situation, they’re going to try to catch her unguarded at this party and take her out.”

 

Keith, surprisingly, smiled after hearing the news. “So that means this date is over.”

 

“Wait, what?” Lance yelped.

 

Keith turned to Lance, eyes already brimming with determination. “Shiro wants us to stake out the meetup and put a stop to the rebellion.”

 

“But–but I had so much planned for tonight!” Lance said desperately. “I already dressed Kaltenecker up as Shakespeare, do you know how hard it is to get him to stay still?”

 

Keith frowned. “Wait, we still have Kaltenecker? Where?”

 

“I’m sorry to ruin your plans, Lance, but everybody else is unavailable,” Shiro said. “Hunk is the guest of honor, Pidge is freaking out for some reason, and Allura and I–well, we’re dealing with a different issue right now.”

 

Lance groaned. “Fine. We’ll put the date on hold. But as soon as we catch them, the date’s back on.”

 

Keith grinned and undid his bowtie. “I can’t wait to change out of this dumb suit.”

 

“You can’t wear your paladin armor either, though. Hard to blend in like that,” Shiro said, tossing Lance a small cube. “Since you can’t communicate through your comms, take this. It’s basically an earpiece that’ll let us communicate if you need help.”

 

“Fantastic.” Lance put the communicator in his pocket. “Alright, let’s go.”

 

“Lance, wait,” Shiro said, putting a hand on his shoulder as Keith made his way towards exit.

 

“Um, yeah?”

 

Shiro leaned in close. “Seriously, you know where Kaltenecker is? Where did we put her?”

 

Lance smacked his hand away and made a noise of disgust. “How did you guys all forget about a full grown cow?”

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't want to talk about this but I also feel obligated: 90% of this was written before the Allura age thing came up, and I didn't feel like fundamentally changing part of this story, so Allura is an adult here.  
> Anyway there should be more Brooklyn Nine Nine AUs for this show so can a better writer than me (this is pretty much anyone) please do "Johnny and Dora"


End file.
